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Child's Low Grades Creates a Parent Dilemma

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Evelyn Petersen is the national spokesperson representing Hasbro Inc. and The National Parenting Center.

Ev is teaching early childhood college classes on the internet.

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Child's Low Grades Creates a Parent Dilemma

Q
Our 12 year old son went from straight A's last year in 5th grade to B's and now a C in the third quarter of 6th grade. We set a rule at the beginning of the year that if he got lower than a B, he could not play sports. He is very active player…soccer in the fall, winter basketball and summer (his all time favorite) baseball. He just received his 3rd quarter report (C+) in Social Studies. We have told him that he cannot play baseball. This is his last year to play in Little League and our family (the grandparents) and friends and co-workers think it’s mean not to let him play anyway, even though we have had this rule in place since September. What do you think? Are we being too strict? Will our son resent us? If we let him play, will he just think we’re “easy” or will he be grateful? Please help. B. Online

A
I think that only you and your husband can answer these questions and make the right decision for your son and yourselves. Your son has known that the rule was in place for months. You need to consider what he will think of your rules in the future if you change them this time and allow him to play baseball, even though he knew the consequences of letting his grade drop. Will he resent you and hold a grudge, or will he respect you? If you say he can play, will this erode future contracts you may make with him? Or will he be so grateful that he will never let his grades get lower again. You know your son best; what do you think?

Whatever you decide, it’s best not to listen to the friends and co-workers or even the grandparents. You are the parents and this is YOUR decision, not theirs. I really think, however, that it would be worth while if you ask your son honestly what HE thinks you should do.

It would be good to involve him in this dilemma because he would have to really think about this situation, and put himself in your shoes. And why not? He caused the problem. He should become a part of the solution and part of the decision you all make. It would be good for him to fully realize that there are consequences for his choices and behaviors. It is in his best long-term interest to understand that.

Perhaps you can discuss this and brainstorm as a family and come up with an alternative consequence or punishment so that he could still play baseball. I don't know how that would work out, but I do feel that all of you need to have a family meeting to decide what you want to do. Handle this as a family team.

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